Recently I have had the opportunity to be alone and think – my thoughts wandered to the difference between solitude and loneliness. They are defined as:
Solitude is a state of seclusion or isolation, i.e., lack of contact with people. Short-term solitude is often valued as a time when one may work, think or rest without being disturbed. It may be desired.
sol•i•tude - noun
1. the state of being or living alone; seclusion: to enjoy one's solitude.
2. remoteness from habitations, as of a place; absence of human activity: the solitude of the mountains.
Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person experiences a strong sense of emptiness. Loneliness has also been described as social pain - a psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual of undesired isolation and motivate her/him to seek social connections.
loneliness – derived from
lone•ly – adjective, -lier, -liest
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
I believe there is a true, and sometimes deeply felt, distinction between solitude and loneliness. For me, solitude is positive. People seek solitude, I seek solitude. My road has changed. For years I was with someone – and now that is gone. For 16 years I have had my child with me almost every day of his life – and sometimes, many times 24 hours of every day we were together. But now he seeks his independence more and more. My boy was gone for 9 days – the longest he has ever been away from me. And I was alone for much of that time. I am okay being alone and on my own.
I have experienced both loneliness and solitude in my life. Several years ago I had a discussion with a friend about the difference, about what it is like to still be alone (or lonely) even when you are with someone or other people. This is the worst kind of loneliness – to be with other people and still feel complete alone and lonely. What is that?! Years and years ago I would have much rather been with someone than to be alone. I filled my time and space with others – not matter the impact. But now, I can be alone and I fit into the comfort of solitude (admittedly at times I’d prefer to be alone – but that is a tolerance issue, and for another post). I have changed and seen the error in my ways.
More changes are to come. My boy will leave soon and make his own way. I’m certain I will miss him, but there will be times when I will be glad for the quiet house, for the solitude that will welcome me when I come home from the craziness of life. I welcome solitude, embrace solitude. What I am afraid of is – will I know when solitude boarders on loneliness? Will I catch those feelings in time, or will it be too late. And when I no longer want to be alone – will I make the same mistakes I have made in the past??? Only time will tell………….
